OK. It’s time to settle this question. This eternal question. This question that has divided nations (of nerds).
Featured in: Star Trek: Enterprise
Why it’s cool: Despite being technologically inferior to the others it was the starship equivalent of a Swiss Army knife.
Why it sucks: Can’t go very fast, crew is annoying.
Featured in: Star Trek the Original Series, Star Trek the Animated Series, Star Trek: The Motion Picture, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, Star Trek III: The Search for Spock
Why it’s cool: It boldly went places. It really did.
Why it sucks: Captained by a megalomaniac, was once taken over by balls of fur.
NCC 1701 (Alternate Timeline)
Featured in: Star Trek (2009), Star Trek Into Darkness
Why it’s cool: It’s very well-lit and can fly out of a black hole.
Why it sucks: The engineering section is basically an amusement park attraction, looks like a hairdryer.
Featured in: Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country
Why it’s cool: Proved that the Enterprise could live on even if one blew up.
Why it sucks: There must have been something wrong with it because it was retired after only five years in service.
Featured in: Star Trek: Generations
Why it’s cool: Sulu’s daughter was at the helm, one of its test flights resulted in a successful rescue mission.
Why it sucks: Meh. It’s just the Excelsior with a different name. Also has the worst Enterprise captain. Oh, and spoiler alert, everyone thought Kirk died on it. He really didn’t, but everyone thought he did. It’s complicated.
Featured in: Star Trek: The Next Generation episode ‘Yesterday’s Enterprise’
Why it’s cool: Has an awesome captain, makes a noble sacrifice.
Why it sucks: Winds up under the command of the Shooter McGavin.
Featured in: Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: Generations
Why it’s cool: The most beautiful representation of what a starship should look like. A massive ship of peace, full of families, slowly exploring the galaxy.
Why it sucks: It doesn’t.
Featured in: Star Trek: First Contact, Star Trek: Insurrection, Star Trek: Nemesis
Why it’s cool: Sleek design, most advanced ship in the fleet.
Why it sucks: Looks like a warship, has dodgy joystick control thing.
Featured in Star Trek: Enterprise episode ‘Azati Prime’
Why it’s cool: Just look at it! It’s cool and from the future of the future!
Why it sucks: Symptomatic of the over-reliance on gimmicks like time travel that ultimately killed Trek on TV.
The verdict is in, and the best Enterprise is the NCC 1701-D! Call me names in the comments 😉